Idol: the Top 12 Guys

It’s Idol time! I have been so excited all day for tonight’s performances. Last season was such a disappointment and I am feeling so much more optimistic about this year’s group. I’m sure the Idol producers had a major discussion before finalizing this gang of 24 for fear of another season six repeat. They even cut the nerd!

Thank goodness. I cringe at the thought of Chris Richardson, Melinda Doolittle and Sanjaya. I do, however, sing along to Jordin Sparks’ Tattoo every time I hear it.

Most of all, I’m pretty excited to be blogging about Idol this year. While the “Seer” (ok, his name is Ed - sometimes saying the Seer sounds strange!) will be missed, I think I may be able to bring a fresh perspective. And by that I mean no more drooling over the chicks. Two years ago he fantasized over Katharine McPhee and last year he loved him some Antonella Barba!

I can’t promise I won’t find me an Idol man this year though! And with that, here are the Top 12 Guys…

Um….where the heck is Carly?! Maybe we’ll find out later in the show – but she is not sitting there. Maybe it’s because of the news that she had a record deal?

David Hernandez is up first. I liked him during Hollywood - he seems to be a natural. He started off well but seems to not know what do with his eyes. They are either closed or he’s looking up. Give me some eye contact baby! Ok, I think he heard me because he’s looking at the camera now. Randy thinks he can blow, I agree. I’m not loving that they assigned a 60s theme to this round, but he picked an ok song. Awww, he looks so vulnerable up there.

Chikezie is up. Is that his real name? And where’s his last name? I bet he thinks he is really fly in his pumpkin colored suit. Too bad you’re tone deaf and well, you look like a pumpkin. I suppose he worked this song out in the end, but I’m not feeling it, dawg. Paula drank her happy juice tonight because she is complimenting the heck out of him. At least Simon called him on his wardrobe. And my gosh, why is Chikezie (or Jacuzzi!) talking back? Has he learned nothing from previous seasons?

David Cook is up next. I hope he makes it to the top 10 so the stylists can get to work on his hair. He’s come a long way since tryouts but he needs some attention. That said, I like his voice. He picked a good song too because people recognize this one before the chorus. He’s the first to get the crowd grooving! I hope he watches this performance later, he has some weird facial expressions. I’m going to classify him as “rock light.”

Ok…we’re a quarter of the way there and I already need to vent. Why do these contestants all feel the need to hold up their fingers when Ryan announces the voting numbers? I find it incredibly annoying and I’ve felt strongly about this since the first season. The first guy was especially cheesy hanging up one finger. Really? You think the American public is going to forget the number one? Ok – vent over.

Jagerbomb is up next. Or Jason Yeager. I’d rather call him Jagerbomb. I don’t remember this guy at all. That’s never good. Must mean the producers don’t think he is worth keeping around. This is a severely cheesy performance. He must be really happy because he is smiling like a real dork. His son is super adorable though. Maybe that’s why he was smiling. The judges must like him because they are being especially nice. Except for Simon, he’s bringing the reality check. Honestly, I just think this guy is too nice for this competition. Which makes me feel bad for ragging on him. My husband thinks his kid looks a little girly. Ok, I feel bad again.

Next is Robbie Carrico. Wow he toured with Britney Spears. Ooh…good song choice! Dan and I are jamming. I believe this performance, more so than any other tonight. Rock it out! Rock it out! Are they any other words to this song? Also, shouldn’t it be, “one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever see?” Not “do.” No one called him on it. I’m living up to this Seer thing so far, Simon repeated exactly what I was thinking. He does look a little clean for a rocker.

Yay! David Archuleta is up next! Oh he is so cute. I guess I like them younger boys. Chris Brown may be 18 now, but I’ve been crushing on him for years. I heard on the Today show this morning that he (David) won Star Search about four years ago. Baby face is talented! Simon is going to eat him for dinner. It’s ok doll, you’ll make it. Every school-aged girl in this country will have you on speed dial every week. Simon likes it! Simon likes it! He is so happy – I love it. My sister Tricia is probably throwing coasters at her tv right now.

Shemale is up – that’s Danny Noriega. I wonder what kind of product he uses? He’s got some sheen to that hair. At first glance he could be this year’s Sanjaya but he is much more talented. I’m slightly entertained if only by the tight jeans and jiggy dance moves. I love Simon tonight! Thank you for calling out the dance moves. He did take on Elvis after all and he’s far from that good. Is Paul off her meds? I think she might be. It’s interesting how she’s calling out to Randy to have her back. Now that they did that video together they must be a team. I’m just waiting for Simon to call her on that sometime this season.

Luke Menard is up. He’s cute – sort of looks like Orlando Bloom to me. I bet a lot of ladies would let him clean their carpet. I mean because he is a carpet cleaner! Shame on you. Not feeling this performance so far. I know it isn’t my generation, but I feel like I should at least recognize these songs somewhat. This one – no clue. It’s a good thing he is making eye contact with his votes because this song, and that falsetto, aren’t strong enough. Like my kindred spirit Simon says, this is a forgettable performance. Wow, he’s almost as nice as Jagerbomb.

Ellen Degeneres is on Idol? Ha, how I kid. It’s actually Colton Berry, singing next, who put that idea in my head. Well if you go and point it out like that to all of America, sure it’s all I’m going to see. I like him already because he was the one who beat out the nerd. His voice is a little clean, but he is talented. And as my husband points out he has a great stage name. It could be one of the classics. Marvin Gaye, Neil Diamond – Colton Berry. WTF? Paula didn’t love it. How can she go batshit over Danny Noriega and not like Colton Berry? Not colorful enough for you Paula? He’ll stick around for awhile, he’s going to come back with a vengeance next week.

Garrett Haley is up next. My advice: ditch the 80s hair. He’s a little effeminate for me. I don’t think I’ve heard him sing till now. Eh, I’m bored. It’s a little karaoke for me. I can’t take him seriously? Awful! Awful! It’s getting worse too. Time to get up and get another glass of wine. That was the longest performance of the night. I’m just relieved it’s over. Buh- bye.

Second sidenote. I just realized that there are four Davids in this competition and two Jasons.

Jason Castro is up next. I know I’ve been critiquing these guys’ looks a lot, but I can’t ignore the dreads. I think they’re so dirty and they gross me out. I bet there are some goodies hanging out in those suckers. All I can think of when he sings is how he should wash her hair. I’m bored. I don’t like this either. I suppose he’s good but I think I’ve hear better from the band who plays outside of the metro stations in DC. Come to think of it, that guy has dreads too. WTF? These judges are crazy. So is my husband, although I think he just misses hearing the band at the Rossyln metro station now that he drives to work.

Idol saved the best for last – Michael Johns. He’s my favorite going into tonight. Did you hear he had a record deal too? From Maverick. I guess they dropped him before he did any work. I’m loving this and feeling him. He is this season’s ladies man and I will be shocked if he doesn’t make it very far in this competition. Now excuse me while I’ll stare at the tv. There’s a reason they had him close the show. They never want to go out on a bad note and they knew he could bring it. I think Simon has a man crush.

Allright. Now for my predictions. Since there are so many Davids, the odds tell me that one of them should go. But I’ll go with Jason Yeager and Garrett Haley going home Thursday.

What are your thoughts?